Probably the shortest relationship, yet most heartbreaking breakup yet.

I thought we'd make it through anything together. This split came out of nowhere -- at least on my end. It was almost like a stab in the back. What hurts the most is knowing how much effort I put into a relationship with a person that didn't deserve it.

Being cheated on sucks. There was 4 times... at least for what I counted. There may have been more but I eventually was so broken, I gave up looking. Yet, I still forgave him. I probably shouldn't have. I should have broken it off the first time I found out. It made it harder and harder for me to want to leave after he told me that he loved me.

The thing was, we had the most amazing day -- or at least I did. I never expected him to punch me in the heart then and there. I did so much for him and it was turned around on me.

I was the bad guy. 

In a way though, it was like a breath of fresh air. I had constant anxiety for the first few days but I'm starting to see the positivity in it all. I want to cut him from my life but I doubt that will happen. He was too significant to just drop and leave. I'm anxiously awaiting the day he leaves for deployment. Even if we aren't still talking...I think he needs a good look at life. Maybe then he'll appreciate the small things.

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Even if I'm angry now, I know that life goes on. I could compare this relationship to the one I had with Josh, but it wouldn't be fair. Every one has it's pros and cons. I just need to learn from the past and find the person that will make me truly happy.

New Age

Josh is being medically discharged. I want to be with him more than anything in the world, but he's leaving and I can't go with him. Last time we talked, news was he's was leaving immediately.

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And I met someone else...

Our first date we clicked immediately. I stayed the night at his barracks, too. He even refers to me as his "girlfriend." I feel guilty for even being with another guy let alone liking him. The thing is... he's here. I could've chosen being with the person I love but I went with the newest, shiniest toy on the market. I connect so well with this new guy though, I have a great feeling it will be the right choice in the long haul.

We've been together for a couple weeks now -- this new guy and me. I think I may be falling for him. Everything is our relationship has been moving incredibly fast. It scares me to think that he may be the one.

Arguably the Hardest Eight Months

I thought saying goodbye to him would be the hardest part, but I had no idea what was in store. We had both been dreading this deployment for months since Josh first got the news. I think he knew about it long before he told me. I guess he wanted things to be normal for as long as possible. Naturally I worried myself sick when he told me. He kept my hopes high and cheery with a simple "Be strong" whenever necessary. I knew he'd been wanting for this chance for a while now. Since I met him a year and half ago, he'd always been most excited for the day he'd get to defend his country.

But saying goodbye was the easiest part. We "prepared" with copious amounts of sex in the week leading up to him leaving. Josh had me wherever and whenever he could get me. I spent a week straight in his barracks room having every inch of my body loved. Every time I'd get up to fetch a glass of water or go to the bathroom, he'd tell me to hurry up and get back in bed. It was like we were never going to see each other again. 

Josh was really good at making it known that I was his girl. Nothing compared, however, to the fireworks display he put on kissing me before he got on that bus. To be truthful, not a single person cared. Everyone was in their own place and moment with their loved ones. It was the first time I ever saw Josh cry and it took everything in my power not to cry as well. I wanted to stay strong for him -- for both of us. 

I remember the first night the best. I held onto my phone for hours waiting for anything from him. I knew, that if anything, I wouldn't hear from his for a few days or weeks, but looking through old texts and pictures made it seem like a realistic possibility.  I cried myself to sleep. I had no idea how I was going to make it through this deployment. If others could do it though -- why couldn't I? The idea that he'd be back soon enough was enough to get me through.Some nights were easier; some harder. He called at strange times so I often stayed up until morning so I wouldn't miss a call. Eventually, I was able to fall asleep peacefully without worry or anxiety. 

Keeping my mind off of him being gone was the easy part though. I distracted myself by socializing with other military wives and girlfriends. I made a few really awesome friends -- even finding my best friend ever. I picked up a job around the holiday season as a makeup consultant for a Lancome counter, a job I dreamed of having since middle school. The amazing thing about Josh being gone was the amount of free time I got to spend doing the things I love. I missed him more than anything, but for eight months I got to really enjoy and appreciate the little things in life. 

It wasn't about until 2 weeks ago that the real anxiety kicked in. On the eve of New Years I got a call from Josh's younger sister. Josh had had major embolisms in both of his lungs and heart while overseas. I dropped to my knees and sobbed, dreading the worst. She assured me that Josh was in stable condition and he was being closely watched. I wanted my baby home ASAP. Just as I thought I've made it through the hardest period in my life, my anxiety spiraled out of control. I didn't hear anything for four days, which made it even worse. 

Then a text from Josh appeared on my phone. "I miss you babygirl." While he was overseas we only messaged on facebook or skype. I panicked. I knew my baby was finally home. 

Seeing Josh was the most surreal thing I've ever experienced. He was asleep at the hospital upon my arrival. I expected to be able to run up into his arms and tackle him to the ground, smothering him in kisses. Instead I shimmied up next to him on the small hospital bed while he slept and sobbed into his shoulder. I was on the edge of falling asleep when Josh loudly exclaim, "I never knew having a heart attack would win me a fine ass woman in my bed. I should almost die more often!" I looked up to see the man of my dreams giving me the biggest grin. I kissed him so much in that moment that nothing else really mattered. I got to touch and love my boyfriend again. I was so incredibly happy. Neither of us could stop the water works that came along with every emotion we were feeling in that moment.