I thought we'd make it through anything together. This split came out of nowhere -- at least on my end. It was almost like a stab in the back. What hurts the most is knowing how much effort I put into a relationship with a person that didn't deserve it.
Being cheated on sucks. There was 4 times... at least for what I counted. There may have been more but I eventually was so broken, I gave up looking. Yet, I still forgave him. I probably shouldn't have. I should have broken it off the first time I found out. It made it harder and harder for me to want to leave after he told me that he loved me.
The thing was, we had the most amazing day -- or at least I did. I never expected him to punch me in the heart then and there. I did so much for him and it was turned around on me.
I was the bad guy.
In a way though, it was like a breath of fresh air. I had constant anxiety for the first few days but I'm starting to see the positivity in it all. I want to cut him from my life but I doubt that will happen. He was too significant to just drop and leave. I'm anxiously awaiting the day he leaves for deployment. Even if we aren't still talking...I think he needs a good look at life. Maybe then he'll appreciate the small things.
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Even if I'm angry now, I know that life goes on. I could compare this relationship to the one I had with Josh, but it wouldn't be fair. Every one has it's pros and cons. I just need to learn from the past and find the person that will make me truly happy.
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